You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
