Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
