a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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