i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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