he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
