Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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