Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
