I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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