I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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