I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
