I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
