remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
