I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
