College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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