State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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