dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
