Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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