Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
