Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
