Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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