I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
