This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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