he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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