No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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