I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
