It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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