just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Come share oat with me in your robe
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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