guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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