why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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