You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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