Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
