I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
