It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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