She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
