I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
