So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
