Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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