i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
