No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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