In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
