So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
