i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
