I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
