just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
