Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
