No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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