hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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