My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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