Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
