found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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