perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
