I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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