I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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