she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
