Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
