I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just want nice things and good sex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
