I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
