Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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