apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
