I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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