Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
