I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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