my vag is so smooth its legendary
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
