Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
