your parents love me but you hate me
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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