idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
