if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
