Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
