entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
