Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
