my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
