my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
