After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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