Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
